FINALMENTE

Before coming to Converse, I was just a baby.

I actually thought that maybe

I’d grow out of that name.

Seeing that we are all adults and are viewed as the same,

I actually hoped and prayed that I’d grow out of that name.

Unfortunately, I didn’t.

It’s my own fault, I couldn’t keep it hidden 

That I was only 17.

But I am 18 now.

It’s been exactly one month but I’m still shocked at how

I was able to fly home by myself and celebrate the day of my birth

With the things i go through mentally,

my experience could’ve been worse. 

Every day is still a slight struggle,

some days better than the last.

As time goes past I think it’s going too fast.

I still don’t know why I’m at Converse, but I know its for a good reason

every trial and tribulation, I know there’s a reason for this season.

In these few short months, 

I have grown and matured.

While my anxiety isn’t cured, 

I constantly look forward

to the day I am able to look back on this time of my life

and say with pride, “I appreciate that strife”.

During my time at Converse, 

I have been able to use my sense of independence

I have learned to manage my time wisely and take care of myself. 

I’ve learned that not everyone will like you, and not to take it to heart,

not everyone deserves to be a part

of your life, and that’s fine. To each her own. 

I hope they all know, they can always contact me by phone,

or email, or in person. 

I’d never be one to worsen someones day with any sort of negativity.

I’m still not sure where I’m going

But i know my future is glowing.

I hope to graduate knowing that I did my part

I hope to help everyone, no matter who you are.

My life Is still unclear and I know that’s normal. 

I hope that in the future, if you forget these words,

that you remember my face, and know my troubles are with the birds. 

I feel as though my "poem" does a great job of explaining my transition into college over the last few months. I did mention in class that I would share a lot more about myself in my blog, and I apologize but, I don't really feel comfortable doing so yet. There is a lot to know about me, and there are many things that I can share with you all. But for now, just know that I have experienced many things in my short life and I am continuously growing, evolving, and learning from those things. I have an amazing mom and a wonderful best friend (who I call my brother) who both give me constant support on a daily basis. 

The character that I'd most like to emulate in my own life is George I, but not to the fullest extent. His work ethic is something that I admire and would like to be able to acquire for myself. Although he was constantly painting and neglected his social life, he truly became one of the best artists of his time and I personally believe that that is because of his attention to detail and perfectionism. I would love to have the drive that he has in order for me to be the best that I can be in whatever it is that I decide to do with my future.

(Backstory on my best friend and I)

We met in 9th grade (I'd already been attending our school since 7th grade) and I was going through a huge change in my life. I'm a really, really shy person and the other kids at my school were extremely judgmental and pretentious and I figured that I had nothing to lose by going to him for advice. Little did either of us know that that one moment of advice would turn into nearly four and a half years of a bond that many of our friends, students at our high school, and some of the teachers truly admire. We have honestly become siblings more than anything else and we have taught and continue to teach each other A LOT. And, as expected, many people assumed that we were dating, but that was never the case. He is an only child and I grew up being the only child in the house so it has been good to have an older brother who I can look up to, and he has enjoyed having a little sister to look after. :)

(I hope this video works. It was the day after our graduation and we'd gone to so many grad parties over that weekend)

PS, my mom is AMAZING. I would add a picture of her but I truly cannot find any recent ones of us together.

-NTP

My First Love

My taste in music may be "contradictory" to some as it ranges from gospel to hip hop to reggae and many genres in between. Some may believe that it isn't possible to like gospel music and still listen to secular music because of the differences in the lyrics but I personally see music as a form of someone expressing themselves. If I want to worship and praise God, I will listen to gospel. If I want inspiration for my own music or connect with one of my favorite artists through their work, I will listen to rap. There are many reasons as to why I listen to certain music beyond the fact that it's just background noise or vibrations that fill up the empty space in my room. With every song that I choose to listen to, I feel a connection that not only inspires me to continue to make music of my own but it also allows me to somewhat more understand the artist, if their lyrics are true to their lives.

One of my very favorite songs is Pray by The Game featuring J Cole(my favorite rapper). When my friend first told me about this song, I was in 9th grade, experiencing a very difficult time in my life as my mom moved to Connecticut to work and I stayed in Georgia and moved in with my aunt. During this time, (my then, new friend and now, best friend) introduced me to new genres of music that I'd never consider listening to before. Almost every day he gave me one or two new songs to listen to after school as a way to distract myself and to keep my mind off of the struggles of my life. Along with these songs, he told me the importance of prayer, although I'd already known its power. My mind was filled with such negativity that it pushed me away from God and I'd almost completely forgotten about His grace and mercy. Because of this, my friend also used music as a test to see if it would in any way change my mindset and outlook on the things I was experiencing. The lyric that he told me to focus on was "Stressed out, parents getting divorced/ Girl love 'em worth, she ain't try'n to sit in court/ She a square so it's hard to see the angle/ And that's why God gave her a guardian angel/ It's me, and I'm here for her, swear to God that I'm here for her". While I wasn't experiencing those exact things that The Game mentioned, it still had a very magnetic connection to my heart. Seeing as though I was only 13, I'd just started high school and I only saw my mom about once a month, I felt completely different than my classmates and felt that I had no one to talk to about my problems. But this new friend of mine pretty much "adopted" me, checked on me and essentially became my guardian angel, even though we were in the same grade and he is only seven months my senior. Listening to that song made me realize that I actually did have someone to talk to, someone who truly cared about me and my well being and still cares to this very day.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7vN_mHnGq4


Another of my favorite songs is a gospel song called Encourage Yourself by Donald Lawrence. Whenever I go on a spurt of listening to gospel and gospel only, this is usually the very first and very last song I listen to because not only do I love the feeling of the song itself, but I just love the very first verse that says "Sometimes you have to encourage yourself./ Sometimes you have to speak victory during the test./ And no matter how you feel, speak the word and you will be healed;/ Speak over yourself,/ encourage yourself in the Lord." I brought myself to the lord when I was 4 years old and again when I was 7. Although I knew exactly what I was doing and fully understood what I was saying as I prayed for God to be in my life, as I got older, it was sometimes difficult for me to understand that everything in my life was a part of His plan and even though it didn't seem ideal at the time, it was necessary for me to appreciate the beauty that was to come in the future. This song helped me understand that sometimes I just have to continue to praise God and thank Him even when my life isn't clear and I don't necessarily feel happy. Speaking good things into existence will cultivate these things and it I learned that it is important to always have a positive outlook on life.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFNHmA9a2gI

Seeing as though I am Jamaican, I felt as though it were only right for me to have a reggae song in my list of favorites. No Woman No Cry by Bob Marley is one of first songs I remember listening to in the car as a child, along with Smooth Operator by Sade (which I knew all the words to as a 2 year old but that's another story for a different time). This song is special to me because it reminds me of my mom's radio show that she hosted when I was between the ages of 4 and 7. Her show was called "Natural Vibes" and she played a range of songs from artists like The Temptations and Dionne Warwick to Bob Marley and Peter Tosh. Her involvement in music sparked my immediate love for the art and being able to go to the studio with her, watching the process of radio and listening to the calls that came in, it showed me how much music can have an impact on people, especially my great uncle. My great Uncle Val is currently suffering from Alzheimer's but has always had an enormous love for music, especially that of The Temptations. When my mom was preparing for her radio shows during the week, she would call Uncle Val to come over and help her find music to play. Before our family knew that he was suffering from Alzheimer's, we all thought that he was just very forgetful and his stuttering was just his speech. But as time went on and he could no longer remember the names and artists of songs, my family could tell there was a problem. Although he has lost his ability to speak, he still shows signs of remembering certain songs when my family plays them for him. This in itself proves that music can have an eternal impact of its listeners and that is what I strive for in my own music: having a strong influence on those who listen to my art.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x59kS2AOrGM


If you took the time out to read all of this, thank you. Music clearly means a lot to me.

-NP

In my two years at Converse, I have learned a lot, experienced a lot, and fought many battles but most importantly, I have overcome a lot. During this time I have contemplated giving up far more times than I can count on my fingers and toes. This thought arose when I felt like I didn't fit in. When things got "too tough" for me. When I felt that I couldn't do it. Clearly, I "did it" because I have made it this far and am very happy to have experienced everything that I have.

My advice is to know how important it is for you not to stay in your room in fear of the people around you. You need to understand that all of the freshmen on campus are new, just like you. They each have their own fears and apprehensions, whether or not they show them. You are not alone and it is quite obvious! There are young women just like you every where you go! Go out and introduce yourself with hopes of building a strong friend group that will ultimately evolve into a family. You cannot survive college by yourself because you need to interact, make social connections and grow with the people around you. I would also suggest that you join clubs that interest you as a way to somewhat force you to interact. While doing all all of this extra curricular activity, you have to remember to manage your time very wisely. Don't overload yourself with the fear of not doing enough but be sure to involve yourself in things around campus. You can neither be in 15 places at once nor be a hermit. Balance is key. Finally, remember to have fun. Yes you will be stressed, that is inevitable but you have to allow yourself peace of mind every once in a while. I know you can do it. Good luck!

-NTP

Time. There never seems to be enough time in the day to accomplish everything that our schedules entail. Sunday in the Park with George opens up with George and Dot in the park as Dot models and George paints her. George makes use of every millisecond that passes as he closely analyzes the scenery in front of him, dips his paintbrush in his paint and very carefully strokes it across the canvas. Dot, on the other hand, spends every opportunity she has complaining about the fact that modeling is pointless and boring and how she wishes George would pay more attention to her instead of focusing on his art. Seeing as though she is ignorant to the way of art and doesn't understand the time it takes for a masterpiece to be presentable to the artists' eyes, Dot continues to whine and complain about the entire process. This is one of the worst ways you can spend your time. Complaining does nothing but waste your energy on something you may not be able to change.
 I often times find myself in George's mindset where I am so focused on perfecting one part of my work that I forget that there are other people around me (or even other work) that may need my attention. I sometimes become short with people as they break my concentration and force me to place my focus into something other than my work, ideas and creations. While it is important to be and stay focused on a particular thing whether it is a recital, homework, or making music or art, it is also important to allow yourself not to become too wrapped up in that one thing, as you force yourself to disconnect from the world around you. And as George learned the hard way, his intense focus on perfection resulted in his losing the love of his life.
Something that I have found slightly tricky is knowing how much time to spend on material or homework that I'm not immediately understanding. I sometimes feel as though I give up too quickly and turn my focus to something else. And other times, I feel that I am spending too much time worrying about what I'm working on, which stifles my ability to be able to understand and complete the assignment. It has been slightly difficult to figure out how to manage my time when it comes to longer and/or more difficult assignments but I am taking it step by step as I am sure many of my classmates are as well.

Until next time,

-ntp.✌🏾

Why Converse College? A question that I received from many of my peers and even my teachers at my high school. The most simple answer is, it's closest to home. As I applied to schools throughout my senior year of high school, my goal was to get as far away from my home, Atlanta, as possible. I wanted to experience new things, see new parts of the country and just embark on the new journey of college being completely independent and away from anyone I knew. But as the college decision deadline of May 1st slowly crept up, I realized that my ideal picture of this new chapter of life wasn't the most ethical as finances and travel were a very important factor to my decision.
        Music has always been a vital part of my life seeing as though my mom had her own radio show when were lived in Connecticut starting when I was about 3 or 4 years old. Through her, I got to experience a world of music and technology that not very many people my age knew about. I came to fall in love with music and it's power and developed an ear and overall talent for it myself, and I know that through Converse, my talent will only be used for the better; to push me beyond my mental limits and to guide and encourage me to use my gift to my full potential.
        Design. Personally, I feel as though my way of thinking and executing my thoughts and ideas is a lot different than those around me. I often times find myself purposely doing things the complete opposite way that others do, just to see if I can achieve the same outcome. I find that as we were all designed differently and we each have unique ways of processing and producing our thoughts and creations, my creations are seen as "exceptionally different" or something that others wouldn't imagine. I like the fact that my music, poetry, lyrics and art make people think. I like that we were all designed differently but I love that many see me as far different than the rest.
        Balance is something that I have always struggled with. My dreams and my current capabilities don't ever coincide with each other and it always leaves me extremely frustrated. One moment I will have a dream of producing a plethora of albums and winning Grammys for my hard work and dedication but the next moment when I go to my computer, I'm not be able to put a simple beat together. It discourages me. Infuriates me. It makes me want to give up. But then I realize, there isn't really much else that I am good at. I need to work on balancing my emotions when I am faced with my reality. I need to work on turning my anger into a drive to work for what I and not allow it to take over my entire body. Balance between my dreams and my capabilities is what I need to work on the most.